“Pro”gressive Process

Mpho Moloele

Do you prefer either white or dark chocolate? Or do you reckon top deck is the better option because it is the best of both worlds? Could be a hard pick especially when your taste bud is content with what it is already used to.

Legislation such as the Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act of 1968 which was later repealed to Immorality and Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Amendment Act of 1985 by the then President PW Botha changed peoples perspective. While the prior brought great divide, with the latter many saw a hopeful future change on paper but hard in practice due to the law initially being imposed on society and made it to be acceptable. Now who is to blame you may ask?  Is society now expected to not only acknowledge mixed marriages but also embrace it?

Looking at the older generation inter cultural marriages is still disapproved that still making some to break their necks when staring at such couples, while with the younger generation they seem to not have any problem in engaging in a cross cultural relationship later to pursue marriages. The cultural differences can only become a hindrance when parents become involved. Why? Because they have only tasted white or dark chocolate and not willing to give top deck a try as it is different. Better the devil you know than the one you don’t know some say.

Having Freedom of Association and being exposed to people of different cultures in political parties, sports clubs, religious groups, the workplace and schools is making inter cultural relationships later pursuing marriages nothing out of the ordinary for the younger generation. Megan Whately, a white lady in her late twenties, who had been in relationships with mixed race men, says “Even though we had different heritages, we grew up in similar ways”. It is unfortunate for the older generation as this is still an uncomfortable issue and reality especially having to look at history and the cultural differences.

As much as pigmentation and geographical home of origin might be different, with blood being of the same colour those should not be the dividing factors to marriage.

Nombulelo Mazibuko, a Zulu girl from Durban, KwaZulu Natal dated a white guy which was a bit different for her as she was introduced to the family. Nombulelo would even go out on a lot of dates with him and his family. Although at first it was uncomfortable, she got used to it. Her siblings knew about the relationship and were okay about it, her mother whom she thinks wouldn't have approved, didn't know about it at all.

Being in an inter cultural relationship one becomes enriched with knowledge about their partners cultural package. “Our oddness is so similar that it makes our cultural difference” says Roxanne Rhoda a coloured South African engaged to marry a white American, Gregory Jewel. In preparation for their marriage the couple will have an American rehearsal dinner and a coloured catered reception. That includes acknowledging, keeping and celebrating both heritages. The couple love being able to celebrate being different with one another.

The transition is work in progress inclusive of old moral roots being uprooted. The neck breaking stares of inter cultural couples in the public sphere will one day come to an end. Just as the suburbs are a place of choice for the couples to stay, soon the township will be that and a safe home environment.  A society where there won’t be any prejudice against such unions.

Lilly Yon, a Zulu lady who married into a coloured family had discussed with her family a year before she got married about not wanting her family to take lobola and both sets of parents gave their blessings.  Lilly didn't not understand the concept of lobola, having being part of her best friend’s lobola proceedings that experience didn't offer concrete evidence of the process being a relationship builder between both families. Although there was a bit of communication barrier between the two cultures, the parents were pleased that their children were getting married before they died. Lilly and Julian Yon have built their relationship on trust and love with support from both families.

Inter cultural marriages having been classified as a taboo has instead resulted to it taking glory looking at the number of increasing couples in that matrimony. Take Trevor Manual (Coloured) and Maria Ramos (White), both over 50 years, got married in 2008. The old generation could learn from this and know that it is possible and is happening even with their peers. 

So as we take this long distance journey of adapting to change, may we overcome the pain and enjoy the fruits of it together with the good health it will bring to society. After all having a top deck is more on point as it is two in one, united in being the best.